Why I'm leaving a job I love... (a long story to journal a life-changing time)

I love my part-time job at the library.  But I've given my notice and my last day of work will likely be April 30th.  

 I enjoyed leading storytimes, other library programs, greeting patrons, and shelving books. 

 I love these ladies that I've been able to work with.

I know the choices I'm making don't fit each person's situation, but I do know it's right for me and my family.  It all started a few weeks ago.  Well, actually, I guess it all started a year ago, when I made a list in my notebook:

Young Women's President

Branch Pianist

Vacation Bible School Director

Teacher appreciation coordinator

Interfaith choir

PTO President

Booster Club Committee

Substitute pianist for Methodist church

Part-time job

Mother

Wife 

Homemaker

Although I enjoy all of these things, and some of them really don't take a lot of time or energy, they are all things that were pulling at me or weighing me down at the time.  I felt like the last 3 things on the list, the most important things, were getting my leftovers.
I have this picture in mind of me holding all of these heavy boxes, weighing me down.  I tried to find a picture on the internet, and this one made me smile.  I probably seem dramatic, but this is all a big deal to me!

Anyway, I took this list to my branch president and asked him if I was doing too much, or if I was just being a wimp! He immediately released me as the pianist, which helped.  There was really nothing else that could be done at that point about any of the others--I was already into the planning and/or had committed to each thing on the list.  I felt overwhelmed and burn out coming fast. I knew all I could do was my best, and learn from the experience and take steps in the future to evaluate what I am emotionally and physically capable of  before I volunteer or agree to do something.

Well, fast forward to a few weeks ago.  A few of the big things are off the list, including being released as Young Women's President, a calling I loved but definitely weighed me down and overwhelmed me.  I was feeling good.  I thought I can do this!  I was on guard for anyone asking me to do something, determined to make better choices for myself.

Then I fell into a bit of downward spiral, just depressed and annoyed at everyone.  Stake Conference was coming up and I really didn't want to go to the adult session on a Saturday night, but the spirit whispered that there would be a message there for me.  I needed to know what I could do to strengthen my family and become the best me.

I went.  I sat next to Jason and we didn't touch or talk (we were pretty ticked at each other).  Somehow the spirit still got through and I heard a few messages that I thought applied to me.

I went home and was up half the night thinking and praying.  I was thinking about the messages from Stake Conference and the thought came strongly to my mind, "You need to quit your job."  I was surprised and I said in my mind, "What?  But I love my job.  It's only two days a week.  It brings helpful income to our family, and I'm able to bring a little bit of light to the world by helping those who come into the library."

So, the next day at the general session of stake conference, I asked the Lord to confirm that this was what I needed to do.  The answer I felt was, "you don't need a confirmation, it was pretty clear."  And it was.  Jason supported me, even though he just started college classes that will be an added expense to our household budget.  It would work out.  I felt inspired to call a friend who was so helpful and was, surprisingly, experiencing some of the same feelings as me, although I didn't know this when I called her.  I spoke with my dear sister Jess who was so supportive and understanding, and helped me see things more clearly.

In tears at work that day, I told my manager about my desire to be at home with my children in the summer and after school.  She was so understanding, and thought maybe we could work out a schedule that I could still work and be home when the kids are home.  I was so excited!  

The next day as I was studying my scriptures, the spirit reminded me that I had been inspired to quit the job, not reduce my hours.  I saw a quote from President Thomas S Monson who said, "Never postpone a prompting" and I was prompted to look at the words to a hymn I written down as a reminder to learn the alto line. 

1. Have I done any good in the world today?

Have I helped anyone in need?

Have I cheered up the sad and made someone feel glad?

If not, I have failed indeed.

Has anyone's burden been lighter today

Because I was willing to share?

Have the sick and the weary been helped on their way?

When they needed my help was I there?

"But this is why I love my job", I thought.  Because that's what I get to do every day I go to work!
2nd Verse:

There are chances for work all around just now,

Opportunities right in our way.

Do not let them pass by, saying, "Sometime I'll try,"

But go and do something today.

'Tis noble of man to work and to give;

Love's labor has merit alone.

Only he who does something helps others to live.

To God each good work will be known.

After reading this verse, I felt the answer was that yes, there's good work all around.  Just because we don't get paid to do something, doesn't mean it's not valuable work.  THE MOST IMPORTANT WORK I CAN DO DOESN'T BRING HOME A PAYCHECK, AND IT NEEDS TO BE MY TOP PRIORITY.  Again, I know everyone has there own path, and I don't judge anyone for the choices they make, but I must be true to what I know about myself.
I knew I had to do it.  I told the kids.  They were upset at first because it meant we'd have to cancel Netflix (!) and they enjoyed the freedom they had when I was at work.   But after the shock wore off, they are supportive.  I wrote a letter of resignation and gave it to my manager.  I felt sick inside because I know it's a pain for her to hire someone new and I really didn't want to let her down, but the peace I have felt trumps the rest as I know this is the right thing.

I've had a few requests to provide childcare already, or other ideas for jobs, and I keep getting my gentle reminder that there is work enough to do at home.  I have approximately 7 years of having children in my home, and I want to take advanatage of those years and enjoy my children and have the energy for them.  Rachel printed this off for me:

I have a feeling everything's not going to be sunshine and roses, especially as the extra bit of income that we've grown accustomed to goes away.  But I feel like I'm putting down all of the boxes that have weighed me down, and picking back up only those that I can handle at this time.  The home and family box is first.  The Sunday school teacher to 16-18 year olds is next (I love this one!).  I'll finish up my time as PTO president next month, and then I hope to mindfully pick up and put down boxes as I go, without looking around me at how many boxes the other women around me are carrying so well and gracefully.  I'm just me.